Penny Dreadful

She says have faith
over a phone line
as he lays sleeping
on my chest
this child of ours
miracle
madness
and bliss
as I try to unravel
the difference between
hope
faith
and the truth.
The beautiful mexican
sits watching a film
about faith
love
and hope.
He sighs and she
calls me your name
because I
seem caught
in the perception
that this life
is out to break me.
But she doesn't know
how hard it is to keep
getting up
going to work
coming home
to miss you
miss me
hate what Im not
hate what I am
wish for the will to
be anything
that this sleeping angel
can use.
I have held a lover
as he lay
dying
and I hold you
sometimes
and I feel it
that same
bitterness
though I cant say
which of us
is dying.
I say goodbye
swallow my inner
dialogue
of heaven and hell
and hold him closer
I am still alive
I did not die
not this time
and I wonder why
I never thought
I would.
Faith.