Penny Dreadful

She says have faith
over a phone line
as he lays sleeping
on my chest
this child of ours
miracle
madness
and bliss
as I try to unravel
the difference between
hope
faith
and the truth.
The beautiful mexican
sits watching a film
about faith
love
and hope.
He sighs and she
calls me your name
because I
seem caught
in the perception
that this life
is out to break me.
But she doesn't know
how hard it is to keep
getting up
going to work
coming home
to miss you
miss me
hate what Im not
hate what I am
wish for the will to
be anything
that this sleeping angel
can use.
I have held a lover
as he lay
dying
and I hold you
sometimes
and I feel it
that same
bitterness
though I cant say
which of us
is dying.
I say goodbye
swallow my inner
dialogue
of heaven and hell
and hold him closer
I am still alive
I did not die
not this time
and I wonder why
I never thought
I would.
Faith.

Pop Culture Heart Attack

I tried once to follow from my mind the path
the pulsing grotesque chambers
the shining valves electric
anode, cathode, diode
power of life itself.
Cold logic would stop my breath
hang as I looked for where love
hate and all those unspoken
ideals pressed against
xyphoid process.
This cathedral of viscera and calcification
a cave, a canyon, a tomb
for the ideal that we profane
with our plastic heart's
pop music requiem.

Conundrum

Self mutilation could not resolve this crisis,
nor still the heart whose Benedict Arnold beat
flies like a raven darkening my sight
with obsidian fringed feathers.
Lord, I cry to you for comfort, surcease of sorrow
a bulwark against his smile careless tossed,
subtle weapon that leaves me gasping
hours later; bilious poison swallowed
in polite company.