Ennui

Once my heart sang alleluia.
but now it simply hums it
because I am not who I am.
No, I am something of a thing,
a third copy of an original,
who will do in a pinch.
How does it happen, that
ever so illusive gradual decline
into mediocrity?

Yes, I remember those nights
driving over mountains in snow
from some adventure to the next
how alive I felt, in control,
destiny my copilot.
Now, I look unsure out windows
thinking rain is coming and I have
seen too many rains.

I hear Eliot in my head broken
stops and starts in a much too
reserved voice telling me that
'I grow old.' And I do, I do
malinger and stir coffee spoons.
What now?  What then?
Was I only fooling myself that
youth's promise is a promise?

Trousers rolled, today, I wait
for fate to find me instead of
throwing off shoes with toes
buried in warm grass running
to grasp it like an absent lover.
When did I cease to care about
my own outcomes I wonder?

Ennui was once a funny word
said in haste to make friends laugh
but I know its syllabic monotone
and wonder when my heart will
again rise like a phoenix, fly
away with my dreams forgotten
in texts and laundry soap.

I need to feel the wind on my face
see blue so startling my heart
skips a beat to remind me to breathe
because this world is a dream
and the hell is only my mind
playing white linen tricks on me
as I finally learn to please myself.

Technicolor Yawn

They say that the world came about

With

'Let there be light'

Still, it is nice to think

That God once stretched in darkness

Opened his mouth 

Yawned

As his toes curled and unfurled

Opened his eyes

Like Dorothy opened the door

To Oz;

A technicolor dream.